YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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