I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
