I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
