I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
