I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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