beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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