my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my poor anus
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
