yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
