Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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