I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
