a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
