We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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