Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
