If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
