remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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