Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
