What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
