hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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