I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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