Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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