Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
