I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
