Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
