Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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