I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
