well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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