I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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