Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
