i wish my penis had a tongue
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
