ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
