I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
