my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
