When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
