you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
