I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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