I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
