can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
