you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
