I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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