I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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