It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
