I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
