God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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