i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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