On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I intend to get homeless drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
