Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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