no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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