Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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