Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
