respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
