if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
