Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
