She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
