Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
